It’s now a weekly cycle for Mama to adorn me with invectives. That became her new way of addressing my mistakes since the day she saw me with Francis down our street. Mama wasn’t wrong for her actions that day, including the slaps I enjoyed, because my effortless smiles at Francis’ words substantially reflected foolishness or perhaps, gullibility since I was just fifteen.
Each time Mama reacted that way, she’d weep uncontrollably and mutter to herself “these memories aren’t growing old” and would weep till she was probably tired and slept off. I never understood the memories Mama always talked about and never bothered asking her. Rather, I often interrogated myself but would end up confused. “Was it my refusal to stay with Uncle?” I’d once asked myself. “It can’t be!” I responded as if someone had questioned me. I knew she didn’t even want that to happen. “It’s the scene of I and Francis” I later resolved. Sometimes, I’d think aloud “That’s Mama’s problem. After all, I’ll do what I’ll do.”
However, not only Mama’s memories refused to grow. Mama didn’t too. She lived in these memories’ entanglement; kept them young and fresh. I never knew my father. She didn’t reveal the mystery behind his absence. According to my uncle after Mama’s death, she bore me out of wedlock when she was sixteen, being impregnated by a man who fled to where-no-one-knows. This formed Mama’s never-growing-old memories.
Yet, I have the most stunted growth among all. I failed to see that Mama was only a helpless woman ensnared by past experiences which refused to become past. Now, I am the new Mama to my 14-year-old daughter whom I also bore out of wedlock. It’s a daily routine to weep effortlessly and mutter to myself, “these memories aren’t growing old.”
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Tobiloba Moses Owoeye is currently a 400-level English major at the University of Ibadan, Nigeria, where he maintains a first-class grade. He is a writer who writes poems, flash fiction and articles, with publications in a journal and a poetry anthology. His interests extend to literary criticism and literary translation, particularly involving Yoruba, his native language, and English.
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